Something Missing Inside
by SilverFang1
Summary: Hermione and Draco open up their feelings to each other. WARNING: Some parts are EXTREMELY MUSHY. Please R/R ^_^
1. Chapter One: Broken Wings

(AzT: OK, so I was feeling really weird when I wrote this. And I still feel really weird. But hey, it passed my satisfaction standards. I hope it passes yours ^-^)  
  
1 Chapter One: Broken Wings  
  
2  
  
3 (Draco Malfoy's Point of View)  
  
You know, sometimes I like to wonder about how it would feel to be someone else. I've always fancied waking up in another bed as anyone but myself, and starting a day like I was never Draco Malfoy in the first place. But I've learned way too long a time ago that wishful thinking never gets you anywhere but further inside your head, and more lost in self-worry and regret for past mistakes.  
  
Still, I would've wanted to make my life better. It would be great if even for just one day, I could smile like I was just as happy as I wished I would be, and say hello to anyone I wished. I know it sounds pathetic, but you have to admit, it sounds better than having to make faces and throw insults everyday, like what's always been expected of me.  
  
I've also realized for quite a while that I don't like insulting and hating people the way I loved to before. I've grown up lately, and whenever I can be alone (which is almost anytime), I have a look-see inside of myself. Believe me, if you did that and were repulsed by what you saw, you'd end up regretting it for the rest of your life.  
  
Some people say 'a leopard can't change its spots'. I can prove them to be wrong, if only I got the chance. That's the stupid thing about a 'spotted' reputation, you usually can't change it and it sticks to you forever.  
  
But that was then…this is now. I've changed my spots.  
  
But if only someone could see that.  
  
If only someone could actually understand the way I feel.  
  
This is what I'm thinking when I feel like there's something missing inside of me-an empty feeling I can't explain.  
  
But here I am, alone again.  
  
An angel with broken wings.  
  
4 "Oh, damn, I'm so sorry…"  
  
Someone had just ended my long-term visit to wonderland. I looked around instinctively to see if the long brown-haired girl who collided with my shoulder was hurt in any way.  
  
"I hope you're not hurt or anything…I'm sorry again…"  
  
"No, really, it's alright…here, let me help you…"  
  
Realizing what a dimwit I was to not aid her in any way, I quickly thrust out my hand and grasped hers tightly to pull her to her feet. She had warmth in her touch that I could feel coursing through my hand, one that felt safe and secure.  
  
I slowly helped her to stand firmly on the ground. Gentle brown eyes met in a straight gaze to my own icy blue-gray ones. We stared at each other, both of us seeming frozen with anticipation, until I realized who the very pretty girl I had bumped into actually was.  
  
It was Hermione Granger.  
  
I couldn't bring myself to say anything to her. I didn't know what to say. Half of me wanted to knock her to the ground again and hurl razor-sharp icicles of insults at her face for bumping into me and disturbing me while I was in my private world. The other half wanted to say how sorry I was for all the curses and fights that I didn't mean to make her feel bad with. I didn't know which side to pick.  
  
Instead, I focused myself with the books that had fallen. I picked them up and handed them to her, nice as you please, and still at a loss for words and thoughts.  
  
She took them back with the uncertainty I would've expected from her, considering the way I was acting at that time.  
  
"Th-thank you," she said softly, still confused and unsure.  
  
"You're welcome," I replied in a gentleman's tone. I bit back my tongue, flabbergasted at what I had just said and how I had said it. "Anytime."  
  
She stared at me again, and this time I saw the hostility gradually fade from her eyes, as if we were never the enemies we always were. She smiled at me, a smile of gratitude that I have never forgotten in my life, and as I looked deeper into her eyes, I saw that there was more to Hermione Granger than bad names and Muggle blood.  
  
She was beautiful. I could see it very clearly, even if just in her eyes, for they reflected an innocence and purity of heart that would've blinded me with its light. Her eyes looked free, calm and gentle, but containing a kind of sadness I could not understand.  
  
And I loved her smile. Maybe, I thought to myself, there are really nice people out here. I just haven't met them. There was a light in her smile that brought me out of darkness, if only for a while. I smiled back, feeling better.  
  
Then she turned her back to where she was headed, further down the corridor, and not saying anything more.  
  
"Fancy me doing a thing like that for a filthy Mudblood like you, Granger," I suddenly blurted out. Oh no, I said to myself as I recalled my words with deep resentment. Fuck you, Draco! Fuck you, why did you have to say something like that?! Many more times I condemned myself for having said such a thing. Without realizing it, I turned back to look at her face, the old malice glittering in my eyes. From her expression, it was obvious that she was hurt.  
  
"And why would you do such a thing, Malfoy?" she retorted hotly, facing me now with unmistakable anger. "Maybe you'd have wanted to ruin your reputation…that is, if you haven't already shoved it up your ass!"  
  
It felt like hot water was boiling inside my head.  
  
"Shove it up my ass, eh?" I yelled, feeling my face going red. "Shove it up my ass? Well you shove THIS up YOUR ass!"  
  
Fuming with rage, I lifted up my middle finger.  
  
"You BASTARD!" she screamed, running over to me and slapping my face so hard I though my head would come off. "YOU GO TO HELL, YOU FILTHY, SCUM- LICKING BASTARD!" She hit me once again. I think my cheek was cut with the sharpness of that goddamn French-manicured nail; whatever it was, I started bleeding there.  
  
She, now full of fury, ran down the corridor, not even wishing to look back- but I swear I saw tears fly from her beautiful face as she left me with a terrible pain in my heart and feelings of deepest remorse and regret over my actions.  
  
Then and there, I had hurt another person unintentionally-but I especially hated myself over that.  
  
Stupid Draco-always saying the worst thing at the worst time. Yet why did I feel the empty hole suddenly growing larger inside of my heart?  
  
I could only curse myself as I walked down the corridor, head bowed. I'd ruined it for myself again.  
  
I barely even noticed where I was going. If I hadn't looked up from where I was walking, I would've gone right past the third-floor corridor, where I already was. And maybe I would've fallen off from the edge of where the staircase going down to the second floor was removed.  
  
I shuddered thinking about it. I have a bad fear of heights.  
  
And I would've never come to my senses at all if I hadn't heard someone screeching the fuck off-and it was coming from the staircase ledge.  
  
"Help!"  
  
My eyes widened with fear. Someone had actually slipped and was now hanging off the marble ledge.  
  
"Help! I'm going to fall, gawdammit!"  
  
I shook my head, battling once again with my mind. I had immediately recognized the frantic voice.  
  
Hermione Granger was the one hanging off the ledge, right in between life and death.  
  
I didn't want to come to her rescue like some kind of lame old hero. But I couldn't leave her there.  
  
There were only a few seconds to decide. I saw her hand pawing around the marble surface, but failing to grasp something more secure-and dropping seconds away from her twenty-foot landing-and if it was really unlucky, her death.  
  
Did I really have a choice? 


	2. Chapter Two: Fallen from the Sky

( AzT: I know the first part is basically the same, but I find this chapter the funniest of all three ^-^)  
  
1 Chapter Two: Fallen from the Sky  
  
(Hermione Granger's Point Of View)  
  
1.1 Lately I've been wondering about how it feels to be in someone else's shoes, and see yourself through another person's eyes. It would be like Hermione Granger never existed in this world, and I was never her. But one lesson life can teach you is that you can live out your dreams, but not live inside of them, or you'd just waste away there.  
  
But maybe I'd have wanted to do what I've never done before-maybe go to dorm parties, have a boyfriend, or get a grade lower than 100%. All of those sound fun, but I don't think I'm quite ready for that yet. Who knows? I might end up regretting the choice. Besides, I can only be the person people expect me to be: smart-aleck snob with high grades.  
  
And sometimes, when I'm really deep into my thoughts, I can see whatever mistake I've done in the past and mourn over it. Sometimes I can make people feel bad without meaning to, even with petty things such as threatening them with a spotless school record and topnotch marks. To make it even worse, it leaves you feeling awful too.  
  
It's always been a popular saying that 'you can't change what you already are.' Maybe I can, and maybe I will, but having such an annoying 'teacher's pet' reputation is kind of hard to loose, and I'd need help with the leash and collar.  
  
I can so change myself, but I'd need someone to change for.  
  
Someone to help me this time around.  
  
If someone could see what was in my heart, not my brain.  
  
But I can't change the way I feel when I actually know that something's missing inside of me-an empty feeling I can't explain, no matter how hard I try.  
  
But here I am, alone again.  
  
Something fallen from the sky.  
  
A frightened screech was heard echoing through the corridor leading to the staircase to the third floor. If I weren't so stupid and absent-minded, I would've seen that damn sign.  
  
'UNDER RENOVATION. DO NOT PASS'.  
  
"Help! Help! I'm going to fall, gawdammit!"  
  
While too absorbed in my thoughts, I had accidentally run into the edge of the renovated-no, more like removed-staircase. I hung between heaven and earth on that edge, screaming the hell off and (very, very stupidly) looking down at the very distance I might've fallen off to-a height of maybe twenty feet or so leading to the marble concrete surface of the second floor. I get sick just thinking about it. I have a terrible fear of heights.  
  
Suddenly, and to my immense relief-footsteps echoed through the corridor. I breathed, my heart leapt-and my palm started sweating like crazy. I felt my fingers gradually slip off the broken piece of marble and frantically pawed with both hands to grasp something more secure.  
  
It was too late. My hands let go and I shut my eyes, screaming like there was no tomorrow. In fact, if I did fall, there wouldn't have been a tomorrow anyway.  
  
But I actually didn't fall. Just as I felt that a three-foot drop would send me in pieces to the floor, a hand grabbed me, and I could feel the weight of another body partly hanging at the edge too. I still refused to open my eyes, although I could feel the recognizable warmth in the person's grip-safe, secure, and refusing at all cost to let me go.  
  
"Hang on, I'll pull you up! Just hold on tight! AND FOR EVERYONE'S SAKE, WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!"  
  
I realize what a pain I was while my rescuer was trying to keep me above the far-off floor, as even after he yelled very vulgarly for me to stop screaming, I kept on screaming. Phobias affect you that way sometimes-you have to keep on screeching hell in someone's ears, no matter how much they tell you to 'shut the fuck up'.  
  
I felt him steadily pull me up the ledge, and I could tell it took him a lot of effort to bring me to safe ground again. I finally opened my eyes when I felt that his hand was still around mine. I squeezed it. He gently squeezed back.  
  
"Are you OK, Hermione?"  
  
I looked up, wishing to see his face. Warm, and at that time very worried ice-colored eyes stared back into my own frightened brown ones as I realized who he was.  
  
"Mal-foy?" I mumbled weakly, not believing who it was. "Did-did you just call me-by my real name?"  
  
He was still staring at me, and none of the malice, none of the dirty mouth (except for 'shut the fuck up' a little earlier) he had shown before planned to hurt me now. I could see it in his eyes. Instead of a dismal cold and stubborn expression that I'd seen very often from them, there stood an unfamiliar innocence, sadness-and worry that I might have been hurt.  
  
"Yeah, I did. Are you hurt in any way?"  
  
"No," I muttered, shutting my eyes again and not believing that the one who had just rescued me and now asking if I was hurt was the least person I'd expect to do anything good for me, least of all save me from dropping dead twenty feet below where I lay. "No, I'm alright. Really. I've-just had a bad shock, that's all."  
  
"Are you sure? I can take you to Madam Pomfrey if you want, you really don't look that great-"  
  
"No," I insisted. "I'm fine."  
  
I looked into his eyes once more. They were a gentle silver-blue, like a river of ice, and they gazed back at me with a steadiness that I read as relief. I liked his eyes-they would have shown the better person inside of him-at least, that was what I hoped existed because of the monster I've known him to be ever since we first met.  
  
"Granger," he said softly, brushing his white blond hair away and finally looking away from me. "Granger, you had me so scared there. I don't know why I did that." He looked even further away, as if he was ashamed of what he had just done. "I'm afraid of heights. I get terrified whenever I look down more than ten feet below me."  
  
"Then why did you do that for me?" I asked neutrally.  
  
"I don't know," he said. I also didn't recognize his voice; from a harsh, malicious tone that he used on almost everybody, his voice became that of a soft-spoken and calm person-but it hinted a tiny amount of sadness that I didn't understand.  
  
"Maybe I was even more afraid of seeing you falling."  
  
He stood up, facing me with a neutral expression-either that or one that I couldn't read. "I'm really sorry for what happened earlier this morning," he said sincerely, beginning to walk away. "I didn't mean anything I said."  
  
He turned his back to me, hands in pockets.  
  
"Wait!" I half-shouted, beginning to stand.  
  
"Can't I do anything to help you, then?"  
  
He looked back. There was a sparkle of hopefulness in his eyes, and I stood silent, waiting for him to reply.  
  
"It would be really great if you forgave me for what happened earlier," he said slowly. Then he smiled. I felt my heart beat. He looked so happy, so contented (and not to mention quite handsomer) when he smiled, and that made me feel the same way. I returned, but with some difficulty.  
  
"And," he said, turning back and coming closer.  
  
"I'd be very happy if you could me Draco from now on."  
  
"It's a deal," I said, feeling very much relieved.  
  
Then, for a few seconds before he went back to walking away from me, I hugged him before I could stop myself.  
  
He looked shocked at what I just did, and realizing that he was uncomfortable, I let go, feeling sheepish, and looked away from him, blushing.  
  
"I-I'm sorry…" I muttered, feeling like I was going to cry. "I thought you wouldn't mind…"  
  
To my surprise, he grinned and hugged me back.  
  
"Of course not," he said, as we held on. "Why would I mind?"  
  
I closed my eyes as I remained in his embrace. It felt so good to know that he actually appreciated me, and a warm feeling from his body told me that I didn't want to let go.  
  
But I had to. I gently pushed myself away from him, but we were still close together. I could tell we were both imagining what would come next, and as our faces were quite near each other, it seemed a good time to kiss him, maybe…  
  
"OK," he said, stepping away. "I guess I'll be seeing you around-Hermione." He gave me another quick hug, and before he left, he lightly touched my face and looked upon me with what was unmistakably admiration. Then he turned away, leaving me there.  
  
And what I felt so much like doing at that time was understanding how he felt. Maybe he also had something missing inside. 


	3. Chapter Three: Emptiness Inside

(AzT: You better be ready to flame or to cry. This is the damned sappiest, mushiest and by no doubt whatsoever the MOST PATHETIC thing I've ever written. I don't even know WHY I posted this here in the first place, but, oh well, I guess I did.)  
  
1 Chapter Three: Emptiness Inside  
  
It was a clear, cool Saturday, the kind that would mark the end to the month of October. The weather was nice and cloudy in the late afternoon, with a comfortable breeze that would blow freely in your face the minute you went outside to the Hogwarts grounds to laze around under a tree beside the lake, where the giant squid was probably having a good nap.  
  
Draco chose this day to do exactly that, and leave himself to his thoughts. A fruit-giving apple tree grew in autumn near a large, smooth, half- submerged boulder in the lake, covering the hard surface of the rock with a pleasant shade from its leaves. In Draco's opinion, that was the very best place to sit down and think matters over. These days, comfort and solitude were what he needed the most.  
  
"And here I am, alone again,  
  
What wouldn't I give to be beside you?  
  
I loved you but I couldn't say the words  
  
And I didn't know if you felt the same way too…"  
  
  
  
"Hi, Draco."  
  
Draco jumped, startled that someone was actually standing behind him and listening to him sing. He looked up and saw Hermione smiling at him in a very friendly way. He grinned back, surprised that only a few days ago this girl was his worst-ever enemy.  
  
"Hi. You want to take a seat?"  
  
He patted the empty space on the rock beside him.  
  
"OK," she said brightly. "Can we talk for a while?"  
  
"Yeah, sure." She sat down beside him, and for a few seconds, both watched the sun set in the pink-shot golden sky, and neither had much to say for a while.  
  
"It's beautiful," said Hermione finally. "The sunset."  
  
"Yeah," said Draco, still gazing up.  
  
"Has something been on your mind, Draco?"  
  
He hesitated. "Maybe. Maybe not."  
  
"Would you like to talk about it? Maybe I can help you out."  
  
"It's just bullshit," he protested. "You don't want to hear it."  
  
Her hand fell on his. "Yes, I do. Go on, tell me."  
  
Draco sighed, and bowed his head.  
  
"It's been a while now, actually," he said, and he felt that Hermione was silently egging him on. "I just live with my father at the Manor. Most of the time he's really cruel to me. Sometimes when I don't do something right or say something wrong, he beats me up or uses a whip on me."  
  
"That's horrible," said Hermione sincerely.  
  
"Yeah," said Draco dejectedly. "I'm used to it, though."  
  
"What about your mother? Doesn't she love you?"  
  
Hermione wanted to take the statement back when she saw that it had hurt him. He bowed his head even lower, so that his bangs covered his eyes, hiding them from view.  
  
"My mother died two years ago, from Father's abuse," he whispered very softly. "She couldn't take it anymore. She killed herself before I could stop her."  
  
A tear fell silently from Draco's eye, but he took no notice of it. Hermione did, however, and held his hand even tighter.  
  
"After that, I faded away," said Draco in a hushed voice. "There was no use for insults or showing people up anymore. I started to think that what I'd gotten was a kind of payment I was getting for all the sins I committed in the past."  
  
"No one deserves that, Draco," said Hermione. "Don't think of it that way. Even you don't deserve what's happening to you."  
  
"I do. Every minute of it is meant for me. And now everyone hates me, including myself."  
  
"I don't hate you," whispered Hermione, brushing back his white-blond bangs so she could see his eyes again.  
  
"After what you did to me yesterday, how could I hate you?"  
  
"Doesn't everybody?" said Draco.  
  
"No," she said putting an arm around him and holding him close to her. "Not everybody. I know how you feel."  
  
He stared at her again. His eyes were full of an innocence and endurance over the pain that had washed over him, and Hermione sensed that it had probably been there for a long time-she would have noticed, had she seen it before.  
  
"I've been pressured to have good grades ever since I was a little girl," she explained, while Draco, in his turn, listened on attentively. "If I had ever gotten a poor grade, I would be beaten until I could compensate for it. My parents weren't too pleased when they found out that I was a witch. I can still remember my father yelling at me in my room when he received the letter." She smiled grimly and Draco could see her tears flowing silently down her cheeks. He gently wiped them away, and in a kind tone asked her to continue.  
  
"I've been working hard, Draco," she said. "I've been going the extra mile with my grades, and I'm proud of it. But not a lot of people really care if I'm smart. They consider it a pain in the ass." She hinted to Draco, who laughed, but still looked sad. "And so not a lot of people like me either."  
  
"You're a really nice girl," said Draco, and he smiled sincerely at Hermione. "Who ever knew that we would be talking to each other about these kinds of things?"  
  
"I didn't," said Hermione, shining expressive brown eyes at him. She now knew that everything would be alright.  
  
"Hermione, I really don't know how to thank you for everything," he stuttered. Hermione only grinned.  
  
"You forget that you saved my ass there yesterday, dummy."  
  
"That's not enough." Draco paused to think. "I've been so cruel to you over the past six years. I want to make up for it to you. I'm serious." He suddenly had an idea.  
  
Hermione watched as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a very small, felt-covered box. He opened it with utmost care, as if it were as fragile as a glass droplet.  
  
He pulled out a shining silver chain and showed it to her, holding it with both hands. Hanging from the middle of the chain was a beautiful locket of very precious silver, with elegant trimmings of white-gold.  
  
"Open it," he whispered, giving it to her. Hermione opened the locket without any difficulty, and peered silently at the words imbedded in the center of the inside. She gasped, and tears immediately filled her eyes again.  
  
" I will always love you."  
  
"My mother gave it to me before she died, but when she knew that her life would pass her by." He took the chain in his fingers and very carefully clasped it around her neck. "She told me to give it to the person whom I truly loved." He looked at her, smile upon his face, eyes wet with unborn tears. "You deserve nothing lesser, Hermione."  
  
They looked into each other's eyes and gazed at them for a second that seemed like an eternity. Then, knowing what to do next, they put their faces closer together and kissed passionately. When they opened their eyes once again, he smiled at her, and she returned it.  
  
"I love you," he said softly, gently grabbing her shoulders and letting her lean upon him, caressing her body, while she put her head on his shoulder and held her arms around him.  
  
"I love you, too."  
  
It was then, while there beside each other and just watching the moon and clouds drift lazily across the sky, that there was no more empty feeling inside of them.  
  
They realized what had been missing all along.  
  
Each other.  
  
(AzT: *bursts into tears* I can't believe that I've written something so damn—mushy. Please, don't ask me where I got this, I wrote it at a time when I was feeling especially cruddy. But no tears here ^-^. At least I don't think so…  
  
Reminder: If you don't wanna write **** like this, never, EVER overdose on other super-sap D/H fics.  
  
I think that's how I got the idea…)  
  
  
  
  
  
2 


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